In 1999 – 2000, Jay Mohr played the role of Peter Dragon in Action!, a TV series that hit the FOX and then FX.

In Hollywood you’re only as good as your last flick, and Dragonfire Films exec Peter Dragon has hit bottom with his $150 million bomb “Slow Torture.” His only hope to get back to the way things were is the shoot-’em-up film “Beverly Hills Gun Club,” and the only person that will help him is ex-child star turned hooker Wendy Ward – written by Jeff Cross.

Here’s a clip of Peter Dragon letting the employee of the month know that he’s the employee of the century. The delivery is fantastic.

The show was canceled after the first season – they didn’t get their budget from HBO, probably because the genre of dialog (witty) and the subject matter was still too highbrow for mass consumption (the American TV viewer). Check out more clips from the show after the jump.

In the following clip, Peter Dragon and his assistants pitch lead male roles to their financier, Bobby G. After the meeting, Peter Dragon meets with Scott Wolf from Party of Five.

“You know why god invented the theater? So the ugly actor would have a place to work!”

Okay, then there’s the part where an agent tries to pitch Peter with O.J. Simpson for the male lead:

Agent: Pete little children in Calcutta know his face.
Peter Dragon: Yes, they know to run away from it.
Agent: The name is more recognizable than Tom Hanks.
Peter Dragon: Okay, you know what – but to be fair, Tom Hanks refuses to go that extra mile and hack his wife to death…

Then there’s the scene where Sandra Bullock clocks Peter Dragon in the head for taping a sex video of her and putting it up for sale on the Internet, ‘Sandra Buttock stars in While you were sleeping on my face,’ making it the number one video in Taiwan.

Peter Dragon (addressing Sandra Bullock): I think we’re getting ahead of ourselves. This isn’t exactly about the video, is it Sandy? I think it’s about a certain actress that fell for a certain big shot producer. And, uh, you know things didn’t work out, producer’s a little bit too busy for her and hurt her feelings – and I’m flattered, Sandy. In a perfect world it might have worked out but come on, let’s admit it, you’re a slut.

Peter’s life isn’t all roses, he’s only as good as his last picture, especially when trying to get his regular seat at the local fine dining establishment.

Peter Dragon: Hey, Raffi here’s written the best script since Chinatown and the whole time he was writing it, he only had one name in mind for the female lead, Salma Hayek.
Salma Hayek: You don’t remember meeting me, do you? It was a long time ago in your office. It was my first audition for a big Hollywood movie producer.
Peter Dragon: Oh yea, how did it go?
Salma Hayek (slaps Dragon)
Peter Dragon: Maybe you caught me on a bad day?
Salma Hayek: You wanted me to take my shirt off.
Peter Dragon: Sometimes, Salma, a little nudity is intrinsic to the story, you know, for the role.
Salma Hayek: I was auditioning for the role of the nun.
Peter Dragon: What nuns don’t take showers now?
Salma Hayek (slaps Dragon)
Salma Hayek: So I guess you would have no recollection of you drawing a little face on your little penis and asking me to put on a puppet show.
Peter Dragon: No, no, no, no – hey that’s not my style, that’s inappropriate, that doesn’t even sound like me, does it?
Adam Rafkin aka Raffi: Sure it does.

I almost pissed myself at this scene. Dissed by the Maitre d’, dissed by Salma Hayek. Who next?

There’s the classic Keanu Reeves scene:

Peter Dragon (to Keanu Reeves): What do you think of the movie?
Keanu Reeves: Much better explosions than the last one.
Peter Dragon: I’m really looking forward to us working together.
Keanu Reeves: Peter, I have some concerns…
Peter Dragon: I’d like to hear about them.
Keanu Reeves: I’m a little concerned that your date has her hand down my pants.
Wendy: I’m a big fan….
Keanu Reeves: Why thank you, I’m beginning to become a pretty big fan of yours too…

As for the hero that I referred to? Peter Dragon shows his brass balls infront of a Senate committee on violence in movies… Keep in mind that this was shot almost 10 years ago.

Peter Dragon: I never voted to subsidize the growing of tobacco while turning my back on food programs for starving kids. I never vetoed a gun control bill – all my guns are fake, Senator! I’ve never rushed in the defense of Kuwaiti oil fields while ignoring genocide in Africa because big oil companies that line your fat pockets aren’t concerned with black Africa. Those are all productions of your company, Senator. This company right here.
Senator: Now you are perilously close to being cited for contempt, Mr. Dragon!
Peter Dragon: I’m already in contempt! I’m in contempt of all of you old whores and hypocrites. At least I’m giving the American people what they want.
Senator: And just exactly what is it that you think they want?!
Peter Dragon: I’ll tell you exactly what they want, Senator. They want chase scenes and car crashes. They want firm breasts and tight assed Latino men. They want their cowboys to be strong and silent. They want their cops to bend the rules to get the job done. They want the boy to get the girl. They want the alien to be killed unless he’s cute. They want the good guy to win. They want the bad guy to die, hopefully in the biggest explosion the budget will allow. But most importantly, Senator, they want to walk into a theatre and for 90 minutes forget the fucking mess that you have left of this nation.
Senator: You, sir, are a malignancy on America!
Peter Dragon: I’m a malignancy? Well if I’m a malignancy and my movies are cancer, I hope the whole damn country gets cancer.

I have the video tapes… somewhere but If there’s still a DVD of the whole 13 episodes available, I’m going to get it. Any tips, appreciated.