Now, for those of you who aren`t familiar withthe landscape of Vancouver`s most popular shopping district, the building I`m referring to is on the corner of Thurlow and Haro (some people call it Smythe… whatever), a block off Robson. The building has, amongst other things, a fire department accross the street.

Okay, so the alarm goesoff.. we think nothing of it.

3:35PM People start to evacuate the building.. okay, probably a real fire. The Japanese Izakaya (“Guu” ???! I`m probably reading Kanji and thinking its Engrish) is starting to empty out, people are coming from other floors, etc.

3:40PM Accross the street we`re seeing there`s still no activity at the fire dept.

3:45PM The fire engines get fired up! Lights are on…

3:50PM Two fire engines load up and pull out onto the street and park… total distance covered: 30 yards. (i.e. I could throw a rock from the building to the fire dept).

3:55PM The firemen catcall every girl that drive by while some grunt goes into investigatethe fire. Honking and woo wooing at some girl in a convertible BMW ensues.

4:00PM Grunt comes back, firemen decide to wrap up and take the long route via Robson back to the station.

Total time elapsed: 30 minutes a.k.a. victims cooked medium-well with a slightly crispy exterior. Next time you have a fire in your building, may I suggest the closest garden hose. They aren`t coming to save you

Total casualty count: At least 10 firemen`s egos from being shot down by the ladies who passed